You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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