last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
