And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just cropdusted the office
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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