**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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