last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
