sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
