What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
