whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
