that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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