ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
