Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
