So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
