In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
