can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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