I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
