It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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