I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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