Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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