i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
