best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
