Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
