I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
babies were throwing up all over the place
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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