Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
