I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
