im about as happy as oj after his trial
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
