I love black thongs
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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