On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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