I'm going to jail i love you
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
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