morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
