I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
