if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
