i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
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he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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