If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
