I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
