I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
is it fun? or sober?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
