With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
