So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
