My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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