my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
