Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Me too!
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
