There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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