Ambien. No doubt about it.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
