I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
