She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
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