Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize