We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
