He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
