Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
