I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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