my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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