i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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