i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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