bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
