Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
