i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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