Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
