Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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