it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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