If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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