I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
