Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
