We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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