Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
