he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
