My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Randomize