Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
